Honour, Decorum & Prudence: A Pride and Prejudice Variation by Lory Lilian

Author:Lory Lilian [Lilian, Lory]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2024-08-21T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 14

“Lizzy, I am sorry to keep you awake with my chatting,” Jane said. “I cannot believe it happened, as I have dreamed of it so many times. I shall stop talking so you can rest.”

“Do not worry. It is not you that keeps me awake,” Elizabeth replied. It was true; the reason for her restlessness could not be repaired, nor silenced.

After her dance with Mr Collins, the ball had lasted more than another hour. She had spent some time in the library, claiming a headache. She had struggled to act politely with everyone, especially with Mr Darcy and Lord Matlock. She felt a strong resentment towards both of them, a sentiment as strong as it was unreasonable. Both gentlemen had been nothing but kind and friendly to her and her family since the earl had arrived in Hertfordshire. And Mr Darcy had played a significant role in Jane’s present felicity. She should be grateful to them if she had a little bit of wit and reason.

Lying in her bed after Jane had already fallen asleep, Elizabeth recollected all her interactions with Mr Darcy. From their meetings out of doors, their conversations, both public and private, his confession about the reason for his improved manners, his claims of admiration towards her. There had been so many words with unclear meanings that she had chosen to interpret them in a certain way and to build unrealistic expectations. He had never said or done anything improper, or induced her to believe he would offer more than friendship. Not even her mother — who was obsessed with turning every man into a husband — had made absurd assumptions about Mr Darcy.

He had been engaged to his cousin for more than twenty years, Mr Collins had claimed. But he must have been a child then. What sort of engagement was it? Perhaps it was the custom among families of high society to arrange marriages when the couple were in their cradles. That was absurd and unreasonable too. Ridiculous! From one thought to another, Elizabeth remembered the earl’s confession about regrets in marriage. Perhaps he had been in a similar situation and had regretted it later on. Mr Darcy would probably regret it too. Or perhaps he would find amusements outside the marriage.

The thought made her warm. Too warm to sleep or even to breathe. She would have liked to open the window a little, but it would be too cold for Jane.

In such turmoil, the time passed slowly, and the dawn seemed to never come. Other reflections added to her turmoil as she considered that Mr Bingley would marry Jane, and they would all be family. Mr Darcy would probably visit his friend often, and she would have to see him, probably his wife too — a hurtful thought that she struggled to dismiss. It was the final piece that completed the puzzle in her mind. She had foolishly fallen in love with Mr Darcy — the man with whom she had promised never to dance.

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